Ffffffffffffinals

(cut from old blog)

I dreamed that Stef A. (from college) tried to go through a doorway which had a lowering door with a blade on the end (the end was rubberized though). I was holding others back to wait to go, and she rushed under, dropped to the ground "to avoid it" and it cut into her body along the body just along her right side near her arm.

I responded accordingly, but 911 kept putting me on hold.

Then someone gave me a cordless phone that I thought was 911 but it was some obscure job offer.

All this to say that it was hard for me to get up this morning, so I didn't till like 7:40, with a final at 8. Roommate Ashley was asleep in the middle of the floor and woke up when I jumped out of bed. She woke in a panic, for she also had an 8 o'clock final.

I didn't care what I looked like; I left my hair and my face and put on some clothes. I walked outside and ran into Geoff. We walked together and I was 10 minutes early for my final (=10 minutes from bed to classroom). I started it early, and i think I did well, considering I onlyu studied for like half an hour.

Now I have one final to go, and I know I'm meeting in a study group at 1 pm. Woot woot.

Life is Pleasant

The transition back into school this year was tough. It took me by surprise for I was so anxious to see everyone again. Amusingly enough, the first guy I ran into on campus was Reed, which should have been a good omen, but those first two weeks, man. I just really missed the staff from Trout...

I've been dreaming about the staff too. I had a dream that I roadtripped with Reed and Jon P. to Chicago. We ran into Josh--counselor this summer--and he gave me the kind of hug you give an unfamiliar person at church. It was disconcerting. Then I woke up.

(cut middle part of blog post out--just about how the beginning of the school year was going)

I will sum this up with a dream I had last week:
In the dream I was sleeping under my lush down comforter in the foyer of my house in Roland, next to a pile of other such commodities. Apparently these things of value were a sort of offering unto God. I was sleeping by them to guard them.

I heard the sound of people pounding at the front door. I was under my covers so they didn't know of my presence, they only knew of the items I was surrounded by. I stealthily reached up to lock the deadbolt, and instead unlocked it and let the savages in.

They took the different items and spread about the house. I ran after them, ravaging items from their grips, overturning tables, and quoting Scripture. In my dream I knew the passages were from Exodus, but in waking I knew that they were not anywhere in the canon. But I would seize something from their hands and then yell something like, "It is written, 'They shall take the fragmented wood from the Lord and make it into an adoration for their walls!'"

In waking I realized that it was my own rendition of Jesus clearing the Temple, with myself as the protagonist. This actually makes sense, for we discussed this scene last week in my gospel of John class. I also read through the scene in the Odyssey in which Ulysses (Odysseus) drives the suitors from his home and gets his revenge.

PS-I also had a dream the other night that I landed an ollie perfectly on a stage set up in the student centre for some show Goose was hosting.

Camping Trips and Large Fish

I dreamed like crazy last night.

It began in a national park in northern Minnesota. It was Hope, Nathan C., myself and scattered others. I said I was going to go into this river with a lot of birds in it. So I hiked in and started looking at the animals. I stopped just before a bend in the river.

As I looked on, a giant fish, about 10 feet tall and only submerged about 2 feet in the water "swam" towards me.

I fumbled with my camera to get a picture and cranked out a ton. Then a dinosaur came and I wondered if it and the previous fish were fake.

I rejoined my family and was surprised by some shots of a lizard that I got. Apparently these were super-fast lizards and the only reason I had photos of them was that I was trying to take a picture of a frog while they were running by.

We then went home and Hope was upset because Nate (though I always call him Nathan) was interested in me. He asked me out on a date to go back to the park. I was back in Iowa getting ready and thinking I had to mapquest directions, then realizing that he was driving.

As I was waiting in the foyer, Reed was talking to me, "Okay, explain this to me again. In that picture there's a brother; in this picture, it's just you and your sisters."

I replied, "Reed I've told you multiple times; he died."

I then went to take my bag out to the car. Instead of finding Nate, I found Dustin St.--who's on NWC's golf team. I wasn't too disappointed. He was driving one of those beasts that has way too much room in the back. He was surprised to see me with one bag, when piled before me were bags and bags and boxes and metal sound equipment crates. He remarked, "I was super excited, and I had to wait so long that I guess I overpacked."

It turned out okay, because I didn't know we were going to camp there for multiple nights and I hadn't brought a sleeping bag.

Husbands--18 Cents a Pop

I forgot to relate a rather interesting dream that I had last week.

It began with me driving home from Trout. In the dream, I stopped by a gas station of sorts which I frequented en route because it had a service charge-free ATM. Inside, it looked like a post office. While at the counter I purchased two husbands, eighteen cents a piece. I received two voucher coupons and found my husbands sitting in some simple chairs in the rear of the station.

They were both mulatto, attractive, and friendly. We hit it off and I recall thinking that they were better husbands than the previous husband I had purchased. I then thought that I would have to get three divorces before marrying the man I truly loved, a fact that discouraged me greatly.

My dream then sped up and I found myself living near where I had purchased the husbands. Apparently my marriage had gone downhill and a girlfriend of mine expressed her concern when she found that I was attending a party alone. I assured her of my contentedness and then got in my black car to drive to the house party.

While driving through the parking lot, a man that I knew to be my husband started shooting at me. He was attractive in a cliche way. After this I apparently decided to return to Iowa. As I related my experiences to Heather and Chad in a Perkins-looking restaurant, Chad read my diary that had been written on a menu. I was rather disturbed that he was reading the diary of my marriages.

As Heather looked over the diary, she asked, "What do you want for Christmas?"

To which I quickly responded, "A coffee bean grinder."

Others' Dreams about me

Often I have had the situation in which others tell me the dreams they have about me. The dreams range in content. Sometimes I wonder if these dreams reflect the persons true opinion of me. Here are a few of my favorites.

The first night in the dorms last year, Lindsey dreamed that she caught me making out with one of my professors.

Once Seth had a dream in which we were having a religious discussion. In this discussion I said something true to my real character about some religious matter and it infuriated him. It was to such a degree that he started slamming my body into the lab tables.

This summer a fellow counselor, James, had a dream that someone handed him a newspaper where I was displayed under "sexy singles" in the personal adds. It had my photo and bio beneath.

And last night Lindsey dreamt that I insisted she watch me skateboard in the rain 45 minutes before going to her formal birthday party. I was so insistent that she came outside. Her straightened hair was ruined (in actuality it takes her over an hour to straighten it). When we came indoors, she insisted that I help her fix it. I did so with angst, calling her vain and pulling her hair with the straightener. Then I insisted we walk to her birthday party because to drive was a waste of gas. We were already late and Linds was upset, declaring, "It's fifteen miles!"

Thoughts . . .

Yesterday Father said he would be willing to go halfsies on the Rome trip for spring break. Though I would love to go to Rome, I wonder if this is a wise expense and I also wonder of part-time work for the school year. It was in this contemplation that I entered sleep last night and had the following dream:

I was at camp and saw various staff. Heather B. asked me to accompany her in a trip to the mall. I agreed because I wanted to be social, but I did not wish to spend money. We were separated at the mall, and I waited with her brother for her re-arrival. Whilst we waited at the hair salon, it came time to pay in advance for haircuts. It was a pricey place, though they were running a discount deal. Somehow I ended up paying for three haircuts and used up all the cash which I was trying to budget responsibly.

Then my mother appeared and I lamented to her of the situation (Note that lamenting to my mother, with her in the consoling role is very out of character for our relationship). I burst into tears and remember it not being an I-don't-have-control-of-my-emotions bout of tears but a bout of deep and anguished weeping.

I woke up in that state, grabbed a sweatshirt and read 17 chapters of John.

I'm going ice blocking: easy going and free.

Vivid Dream

Last night I had this crazy wild dream. In it I was with this huge group of people; we were up north somewhere. It started off that we were on the side of some road and there was a random guy who was giving away his snowmobile. I was going to take it off his hands for him.

Later in the dream, I received a 700 dollar check from Blick along with other mail. Mrs. Biechler was there and it was like we were in a meeting with a bunch of gifted kids or something. In the dream, we were going to go on musical tour o something. So we headed to some place and we were all trekking along outside in some grassy place that looked like the Fort Dodge golf course. At one point, the group in front had gotten so far ahead that they tried to use these giant ear buds to boomerang someone off a tree.

Later I heard someone playing the saxophone and it was Anna Penner. At one point she'd wanted to learn to play in real life, and in my dream she had I was kind of mad because she was so good. We were divvying up parts and Jera and Anna were both there. Before we had lost Anna because she wanted to sleep. I had gotten sad because Anna was lead saxophone and I really wanted to play. I setled myself and went to help move the keyboard. There was a guy there who looked like Nate, a senior art student here. We both started playing and only we could hear ourselves. He was completely wowed and couldn't catch up with me because I was changing keys all the time. He then pointed out that the keyboard was on the saxophone setting. He was completely awestruck by my playing and I woke up missing not only the piano but the saxophone.

Republicans

Last night I dreamed that Shea called me up to see if I wanted to hang out with him. What did he propose? That I join him in recruiting people for the Republican party. He said he was going to call Sadie also and I retorted that neither of us were Republicans. We ended up meeting with each other for a bit anyway and doing something.

The end.

Nihilism

Sigh. What an allover day. It really has. I awoke to a Charity-style nightmare. It was about the nihilist project I have been working in. In my dream, instead of Reed and Elizabeth being my partners, it was Dorene. I made a comment and she responded that we had gotten points taken off for that part of our nihilism presentation. I was surprised, for I didn't know we had got our grades back yet. She had got the sheet and kept it to herself. I looked at it: C-. I started crying and lamenting that I would have to take the class again (honors program repercussions and all). We cradled each other and cried. Chad V. and Reed were nearby in a bible study and came over

This morning, as I fought my snooze, I dreamed of discussing theological things with Lincoln. 'Twas cool.

Ribbons and Bows

I tried so hard to remember my dream from last night and I did! In my dream I was at Northwestern and the three people I remember interacting with were Reed, Lincoln, and Amanda.

In part of my dream I was sleeping on a cot near our kitchenette. Then I remember that Reed had to interview me about something and Amanda wanted to ask me questions about the peace rally. I remember being stressed about knowing how to verbalize my views. Then I began working on a project for some graphics class.

That's all I really remember, except that I had to interview Lincoln for something and he was shirtless and had a tan line that looked as if he'd been wearing a halter bikini top. Yeah, a little awkward.

Anyhow, that was my dream.

Shalin and Andrea?

I just realized my dream from last night. In it, Shalin and Andrea got married and Andrea moved in with Shalin. Now, for those of you who don't know, in actuality, Shalin lives with an old prof of his and it's obvious that two men live there. Well, in my dream, Andrea moved in and the place was all remodeled and clean and crazy.

Yeah.

I had quite the dream last night. I was at Northwestern and the campus was a bit altered. One of the main buildings, possibly Riley or the student center, had been altered to have an extremely pointed and steep roof with excessive windows. Furthermore, Iowa was north of Minnesota. I found a newsletter of a church from years ago documenting that Alex P. was a chaperon at a church in Iowa with a bunch of people I know, including Karly H. and the like. I was extremely surprised and kept looking for Alex so I could tell him about our unknown connection. There were other strange parts of my dream, including my roommates and I trying to pass as boys.

Parallelism

Last night, my dream was all about parallelism. I would only do things in certain numerical units. It was strange. At one point I was in a large building that I seemed to know and was going all around. I saw Sarah and she was trying to get Ian M.'s attention in order to give him a hug. She did and then he came over to me and gave me a hug and then we were dancing. 'Twas strange. I'd gone into the room I was in to fetch my bag--one similar to the one I packed up this morning--and found five of the same around it. So I had to judge which was mine based on the contents.

Anyhow, thought I'd jot that down for y'all. Soon I'll meet Sarah for lunch, load up the car, and be on my way back to Northwestern.

Heroes

Last night I dreamed that I met Reed's parents.  We were in some indoor place decorated to look outdoor and he walked up with his parents (remember that Reed's dad wrote Peace Like a River).  I was so excited to talk to his dad about Peace Like a River because Reed had briefly left to grab something, however, before I knew it, both of his parents had grabbed me in a group hug.

What is it with my dreams being about people I admire and close physical proximity?  In my dream with Ghandi the other night, we were sitting right next to each other in an office that had abundantly more seating.  In my dreams it seems like the first meeting and yet there is already an established relationship.  Bizarre!

Mom version of a "Jon Dream"

Well, I got up early today to do some homework, and should be doing that, but I had to write down my dream.  When I got up to shut off my alarm, I thought it was part of my dream.  Suddenly, I was in a king sized bed which included mounds upon mounds of comforters and amazement.  In my dream my mother had tucked me in.  This was strange, because the way the dream went, it was like a Jon dream.  A Jon dream is a dream where Jon is suddenly alive again.  That's how this dream was, only my mother is still alive.  I don't know if it was that she was healthy in my dream or what, but it was rather bizarre.

Antagonistic Self

When I arrived home (12:15 AM-ish) and had readied to sleep (1-something-ish), I settled into a deep and disturbing sleep. It was interrupted by me apparantly shouting at Tiffany "Won't you shut up!" Anyhow, this probably altered my mindset, for I had an unusual dream.

(Let me preface this by saying that when I woke, I was ashamed of myself and later relieved that it was not a real occurance.)

In the dream, I had become extremely antagonistic towards everyone on campus. While at a gas station, I conceived the notion to tackle my annoyance at my roommates wanting to take the shuttle--even though it wasn't running--by stealing a HUGE police car. More like truck, ginormous truck.

Dorene, Tiffany, and Tomas (pronounced TOE-mash) boarded it with a candy red coffin stuffed with contraband. We drove around, settled at the mall and made a run for it. Tiffany and Dorene receded to their mother's home there, Tomas ran off, and I left. I encountered the coffin outside with a garage sale-looking plethora of items. I helped a man load it into his car, which became a boat, which he took to sea to sail to the old country.

Later, Seth and I met up and joy-ride-ed in another huge police truck with the top down. We parked it in front of a clinic and walked off.

Muhl. I'm not feeling eloquent today. I think a nap and subsequent library visit are in order.

Adieu.

Waking Dreams

I finished my paper last night around 3 AM or so.  I proceeded to the textbook reading and read till Matthew 23.  By this time, it was a little after 5 AM and I decided to turn in.  My alarm went off at about 7:36 and I proceeded into a cycle of jumping out of my bunk, snoozing, climbing back in, falling asleep, hearing the alarm, jumping....etc.  Only, at the time, in my head I thought I was in a religious discourse and I equated my alarm to the Mishnah or something.  Tiffany shouted at me to shut off my alarm and my incoherent self wanted to correct her about what was actually going on.

Breakfast in Bed

This morning, having fallen asleep at 2:30 AM, I slept in to 11 AM (getting a solid 8.5 hours of sleep). Dorene had been banging around in the kitchen, which had effected my last dream. Reaching consciousness, I recounted the dream to Dorene:

She had been making muffins in the kitchen and needed more or help, so I jumped out of bed and got out my muffin mix. I added milk and she insisted that I not make mini muffins. I complied, but was heartbroken. I then realized that the mix required egg, which was still in a one cup measuring cup. We then began showing each other senior pictures. One of mine had my face in front of the courtyard at Northwestern. I wondered how I took my senior picture there. As we were talking, Dorene made a statement implying that all of the Old Testament apocryphal books rhymed. I negated her comment and began to speak on the apocryphal books, then branched into the New Testament apocrypha and especially the Gospel of Thomas. I wanted to tell her about the 114th saying of "Jesus" in the gospel in my dream, but could not recall it. I looked to the sky to remember and saw two crows fighting....

Anyhow, while recounting the dream, Dorene brought me a powdered sugar covered waffle. She had tried to make me coffee but was confused about the coffee maker. I told her she had to press the button twice and in just a couple minutes she brought me a cup served up black. I began to drink it and soon got out of bed.

Dark Night and Sleep Tight

So, after my mini rant  last night, I fell fast asleep and so very deeply.  This time I dreamedthat I had applied through NWC for a teaching job in Chicago.  It was granted and all the people I worked with had very strange lifestyle habits.  I remember going to lunch downtown and them being out of sandwiches except for a string cheese sandwich.  So, I left.  As I was walking down the street some guy followed me from the cafe and started walking with me.  He said being around me made him hungry, hungry for spiritual things.  It was a strange dream.

I woke promptly a little before eight, assured myself I still had an hour to sleep and had fitful bouts of sleep afterwards which formed variations of the above dream.

Last night I dreamed I was back on campus.  While there I had some free time, so I wanted to visit a class that some friends had been talking about and that I was considering taking.  It met in a very high floor in Naz.  When I climbed near the level the class was at, the railings disappeared, and there was a break in the floor between the stair landing and the landing in front of the classroom door.  For some reason Shea was there and he extended a hand to help me over.

We entered the class and the prof was Mr. Bowman.  He looked at me confusedly and asked why I was there.  I sat down on the floor with the rest of the students and found myself cramped between someone I didn't know and Mr. Bowman, people adjusted their seating so I had more room.  The whole time I felt awkward and as if I shouldn't have come to this class.  Anyhow, the class touched on a lot of ethical, racial, and religious topics.  When it dismissed there was a sort of demonstration on the lawn and I just remember people bleeding.

Later in my dream, his class was meeting again, and this time I thought to call to see if I could sit in.  However, I had the impertinence to call an hour into the class.  He granted permission and I headed off.  Sometime around here I convinced myself that I needed to awake.

My dream last night directly correlated to my state of sleep or rather my state of consciousness in my sleep.  In the cases were I was dead to the world and would have been incapable to communicate with, my dream was cluttered spatially.  I was with people from campus on some sort of honors field trip.  During the period of my most sleepfulness, the dream was incoherent and the people and their belongings were affixed to each other.  As I woke further and attempted to regain deep sleep, the shallow state of my sleep made my dream more sensible and allowed people to lose physical proximity.

Anyhow, when I finally fully awoke, I realized I had been sleeping for nearly 12 hours straight.  During one of my previous wakings, I told myself that I deserved ridiculous amounts of sleep this night, for it will be my last of the like during break.

Last night my dream was very nerve-wracking as well as displaying me yet again in bad light.  In it I was back on campus, only the student center & those dorms were in the location of Riley and the dorms were more apartment-esque.  The dream began--or rather this part of the dream, I'm excluding the part about the trip to Costa Rica with some Latino man--with Dorene and I getting ready one morning.  We had decided to go to class together because we had the same one, Phy-ed.  I was ready and waiting on Dorene, only to realize I didn't know where my shoes were.  I put on some random shoes and was rushing Dorene.  We were going to catch a shuttle of sorts to the class that left at like 8 AM.  As I provoked her to hurry, I realized that it was 8:01.  I told her we had missed it and then yelled for her to hurry reminding her, "You know that I'm anal about these kinds of things" (keep in mind that the word "anal" is awkward, and I hate saying it).  The dream continued with the two of us leaving the dorms dressed ridiculously.  There was some yellow folded paper I was supposed to grab, but instead grabbed a white folded paper with no aid.

Dorene and I had no idea where this class was.  Her schedule said "SC428" and we searched out people to help us find this location.  I became frustrated because it couldn't be in the student center because there were only 3 floors in there.  The situation escalated as did my frustration with Dorene, and the situation worsened with disgruntled refusals to aid.

The dream didn't go much farther than here, but what a sad dream.  I was so driven by my need to be on time to my class that I was yelling at people constantly and talking down on everyone.  How disgusting--but I must remind myself that this was a dream, and I did not actually lash out on Dorene.  This is a reminder, however, to why I walk to classes, et cetera, alone.

Faith & Eric's New Apartment

Last night I had a very disturbing dream.  In it, I was with Faith and Eric in Indiana, with them as they viewed their new apartment for the first time.  From the outside, the place was not very impressive. It was a warehouse looking place, with everything floored with cement as well as their being many dark corners and ripped chain link fences.  We walked into a basement.  The place looked terrible.  There were no doubt leaks as well as cracked walls and low lighting.  The whole place was furnished but very despondent.  Apparently Heather was going to move in with them in the summer and work part time as an art teacher (I remember thinking in my dream, "Did Heather get a teaching degree?).

Later in the dream, they were looking for a religious speaker to come to the town.  He had many stipulations, however, and those qualifiers were very shady.  Eventually, he came to the place explosively and I was the only one around.  I was bolting the doors and he was nearly shaking them down.

Around this time I woke up, not wanting to find out what would happen next.  As I thought about the dream, I thought about the fear that was in me and the shame that I took over Faith and Eric's new dwelling.  It didn't seem good enough for them and the whole neighborhood was frightful.  But, as I continued to think about it, something clicked.

Around this time I woke up, unwanting to find out what would happen next.  As I thought about the dream, I thought about the fear that was in me and the shame that I took over Faith and Eric's new dwelling.  It didn't seem good enough for them and the whole neighborhood was frightful.  But, as I continued to think about it, something clicked.

While at Urbana and even before when I was reading The Irresistible Revolution, I began to think seriously about our responsibility to the widows and the poor. 

 26If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. 27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.                             (From James 1)

So often, we live a life of selfish Christianity--as demonstrated by my last post where all I could think about were my crowded living conditions--where we think only about improving our own selves and morality.  First of all, we have no power in improving ourselves and have to trust God for any sort of remedy.  Second of all, if all Christianity is is a solo flight to morality, who would take it?  The way Christians are acting today really shows why people think that Jesus was just a very moral man instead of a revolutionary.

 14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? 15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.  18But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds."
      Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.        (From James 2)
So many times, people will pull out this passage and say that it means that having faith means that we must be good.  However, the "faith by what I do" is prefaced by the context of taking care of the naked and the hungry.  One thing Urbana really refreshed to me is that as Christians, we are to be living as a body that takes care of itself as well as the others hurting in the world who have these needs.  This has been on my heart so much this semester.  I've been thinking of how I can help those in slum communities or those who are impoverished and I've found a few different places.  One is an arts program directed to the impoverished in Minneapolis.  The only problem with that is my lack of transport.  There is also the option of getting involved with Streetlight, a campus group who goes to the innercity and does work there (a program I am most likely going to get involved in), and the third is an idea that shoots into the future a little.  I am currently on the road to becoming an art educator.  This is a profession that can be done from many places and most recently, I have thought about moving to a slum community to teach.

Now this is where the dream comes in.  In my dream, I was repulsed and frightened for the majority of the time.  Upon waking, however, I discovered that I was repulsed and frightened by the very problem that my heart is being softened to; I was repulsed by the very thing I seek to remedy.  So, I don't know if that feeling verifies or goes against my current convictions.  Because shouldn't I desire to remedy that which repulses?

Anyhow, as you can see from above a lot of this thought came from James (the book, not Jim R.).  I would encourage you to read it; it's a meager five chapters and it's so packed with things that our church today has forgotten about.  Sigh.